The Myth of the “Problem Child”: Looking Beyond Behavioral Issues
Before we dive into this one, let’s get something straight: this article is NOT about students with diagnosed behavioral disorders, trauma histories, or disabilities that require an IEP, therapy, a shadow, or professional intervention.
Those kids deserve and need specialized support, not snarky takes in blog posts.
What this article is about is the other kind of “problem child”, they one who gets labeled as “difficult” because they talk too much, challenge directions, forget their pencil every single day, or have perfected the art of the dramatic eye roll by age eight. The kids whose names live in teachers’ lips as they go class by class to find who’s roster they are in only to say “Oof, that’s a tough one. Good luck” to a teacher who hasn’t even met the child yet, let alone made a judgement.
You know the type. The ones teachers whisper about in the copy room. The ones who get a yellow face on the behavior chart before 9:15AM. The ones whose names are permanently etched into your memory because you said it approximately 73 times a day.
But here’s the thing: the “problem child” might not actually be a problem. At least, not in the way you think.
Behavior is Communication, Even When It’s Loud
When a kid blurts out answers, paces the room, refuses to write, or sighs to dramatically you consider giving them an Oscar, they’re not trying to ruin your day. (Okay, some days, maybe.)
Most of the time, what we see as “acting out” is really just a combination of feelings, ironically, some of the same they make us, as teachers, feel. Some of these are:
Frustration
Boredom
Anxiety
Lack of executive functioning skills
Desire for connection (seeking attention)
A cry for autonomy (yes, even from a 6-year-old)
Behavior is the surface level symptom. But there’s always something underneath.
They’re Not Giving You a Hard Time…They’re Having a Hard Time
Let’s say that again for the people in the back: They’re not giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time.
That kid who’s always tapping their pencil and talking out of turn? Might be processing faster than the rest of the class and is desperate for stimulation.
The student who shuts down and stares at the ceiling every time it’s time to write? Might be overwhelmed by perfectionism and terrified of failing.
The child who won’t follow directions? Might feel like they have zero control over their life and this is one thing they can push back on.
When we take the time to look beyond the behavior, we stop seeing “problem children” and start seeing real kids with real needs. Admittedly, sometimes, we also begin seeing problem parents.
Spoiler: The Best Classroom Management Tool is a Relationship
We could talk about token economies, clip charts (please don’t), reward systems, or the magical teacher look, but honestly? The most powerful way to change behavior is to build trust.
Kids are more likely to cooperate, regulate, and participate when they feel
Seen
Heard
Respected
Safe
You don’t have to be their best friend, but you don’t have to be their anchor. And that starts by ditching the “problem children” label and asking: “What’s really going on here?”
Let’s Talk About the Labels )and Why They Stick So Easily)
Once a student gets labeled “the behavior kid”, it’s hard to shake it. Every eye roll, every outburst, every missed assignment is seen through the lens of “here we go again.”
Meanwhile, the “quiet” or “gifted” students can get away with just about anything short of lighting the whiteboard on fire.
Labels can become self-fulfilling. If a child thinks they’re the bad kid, they act like the bad kid. If we expect them to fail, they often will. But if we expect better, if we show them that we believe they can make good choices, surprise! They start to believe it, too.
So What Can We Do Instead of Just Writing Them Off?
Get Curious, Nor Furious
Ask yourself the following questions:
What’s triggering the behavior?
What might they be avoiding?
What unmet need are they trying to meet?
Curiosity creates space for compassion, and that opens the doors to understanding the behaviors and how to encourage better ones.
Offer Choices (Even Small Ones)
Sometimes the most “difficult” kids just need to feel like they have a say. Let them pick between two tasks. Let them sit or stand. Let them decide the order of their work.
Giving up control isn’t weakness, it’s strategy.
Catch Them Being Awesome
Yes, it’s easy to notice when they’re off-task. But actively look for the wins, no matter how small.
“Thanks for getting started without me asking!”
“I noticed you helped your partner”
“You stayed in your seat for the whole mini-lesson and I see that.”
Positive reinforcement isn’t just about stickers, it’s about changing the narrative.
Check yourself, Too
We’re human. We get triggered. But sometimes our tone, body language, or assumptions pour gasoline on a fire that could’ve been a flicker.
Pause. Reset. Try again.
Final Thoughts: There’s No Such Thing as a “Bad Kid”
There are kids who are struggling. There are kids who haven’t learned how to express big emotions yet. There are kids who test every ounce of your patience before 9:00AM.
But there are no problem children. Just children with problems who need adults who see past their behavior and into the heart of what’s really going on.
So let’s stop labeling and start listening. Because the kid who throws the most curveballs? Might just need the biggest dose of belief. And if that’s not what teaching is about, I don’t know what is.
